TTC v. Adoption: Some Thoughts

As a woman who has been TTC for over two years, with no known problems, I think it's only natural to start wondering if starting our family the "normal" way is ever going to happen. We have done very little in the way of fertility treatments. I took progesterone for two or three cycles because my doctor thought mine wasn't quite as high as he wanted it to be (although it was still within the normal range). I took Femara for one cycle, but it made me feel pretty icky toward the end of the cycle. And that's really it. Our RE says the next step is an IUI with injectable medications. And I am trying to figure out if it's worth it to go that route or if we should move on to adoption.

It actually doesn't matter much right now which way I'm leaning because it's going to be a little while, at least, before we can pursue anything. As I said in my last post, we have some debt we want to get taken care of and any money put toward trying to expand our family, regardless of how we choose to do it, will come after those other things are paid off. But I think about it a lot. About how we'll proceed and how our family will eventually grow.

And right now, I'm leaning toward adoption. Well, I'm hoping we can get pregnant naturally, but I'm open to adopting some day, even if we end up having a biological child or children. I'm just not convinced that spending money on fertility treatments is the best use of the money we've been blessed with.

The numbers vary considerably on what the success rate for IUI with injectables is, but even the highest rates are a reason for pause. Can I justify spending, say, $3000 on ONE cycle with only a 15 or 20 percent chance that it will work? Not to mention that just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you will deliver a baby. It seems like an awful lot of money to pin on some not-so-good prospects. Sure, it'd be worth it if it worked. But I can't imagine how bad we'd feel if we saved up that money and spent it on one cycle and had a BFN at the end.

As of right now, we don't have insurance coverage for treatment, thus the estimate of $3000 for an injectable IUI cycle. If J's future job while I'm in school ends up having some coverage (particularly for the medications), I might be more willing to consider going that route. It just depends on how much we'd have to pay out of pocket and where we are financially.

J still thinks we can get pregnant on our own. He thinks that, for whatever reason, it just hasn't happened yet. And I'll admit that I harbor this same thought. After all, we have been pregnant before, even though it didn't last long. And if there is nothing really wrong with us after all the testing we've had, maybe it will happen eventually. I certainly haven't given up hope that it will. But after over two years of trying, I've stopped worrying so much about it and have begun to consider other options.

One thing that is not an option for us, in case you were wondering why I haven't mentioned it, is IVF. For personal and religious reasons, it's not something we're comfortable with.

So adoption is on my mind. I've been reading some adoption blogs and that's been interesting. Especially the ones that start sometime at the beginning of an adoption journey and go on through the actual adoption. It's nice to see it all come together.

When I first started thinking about expanding our family in this manner, I didn't feel comfortable with it. Like most women, I'd imagine, I've always thought I'd have my kids the old-fashioned way. So it takes a shift in perspective to wrap your head around doing things differently. But the more time that has passed, the more comfortable I am with it. I feel more of a kinship reading the blogs of adoptive moms than I do reading those who have biological children. When I think of meeting our baby for the first time, it's more likely I'll think of meeting the birthmother at the hospital than of being the mother giving birth.

I really really want to be someone's mom. I really want to experience being a parent with my husband. If I sit around all day and think about how my own body is betraying me and denying me this experience, it's just sad. But if I think about adopting, it gives me hope. It reminds me that eventually, I will be a mom. Even if it doesn't happen quite the way I used to think it would. And that is very comforting.