I had a dream...

Today did not start out too well. I had a nice dream that J and I had found out I was pregnant. I should have realized it was a dream, since I think I was maybe five or six weeks along and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take me that long to figure it out if it really happened. Anyway, we were excited and it was all quite pleasant...until I woke up. It took me a moment to get oriented and realize that I am not, in fact, pregnant. I felt sad when I realized this and it wasn't a good way to start the day.

As I've mentioned before, I've been thinking about adoption lately. But this dream just brought back to the forefront of my mind and emotions how much I really want to have biological children. I want to experience pregnancy. I want to go through that with my husband. And I wonder if it's ever going to happen. One minute I'm okay (more or less) with adoption and the next (right now) I just want to find a way to make a baby grow in my own body. A baby made up of me and J.

In other news (or, rather, non-news) things are still up in the air about law school and they will be for a few more months. I started studying for the LSAT again last night. Uggghhhh. It is so boring. It makes my brain hurt. But I will do it and I'm determined to score several points higher than I did the first time I took it. Admittedly, I could have studied much harder for it that time. But, as I said, it is so boring. I'll take it in October and will get my scores about three weeks after the test. Then I'll apply to a few different schools I'm interested and, as I get offers for admission (and hopefully scholarships), we'll make a decision about where we want to go. This is assuming I get more than one offer, of course!

I'm looking forward to moving out of the area we live in now and making a life somewhere else (even if it's only for the three years I'm in school). Then, when I'm done with school, maybe we'll finally be able to live somewhere we actually want to live. And be able to afford to do some things we want to do. (Buy a house, HAVE SOME BABIES, etc.) My dream of moving to South Carolina and my dream of babies will keep me going through law school when it gets tough. (That and my dogs. I envision many evenings of studying with both of them right there with me.) May of 2015 can't get here fast enough. Of course, I intend to enjoy life between now and then and don't want to wish the years away. But I feel like the dreams I have for the future can really start to come to fruition when I graduate. I can't wait!