October has proved to be a pretty busy month around our house. J finally found a job and although it's only part-time right now (we're hoping it'll eventually turn in to full-time), it's helping to keep him busy. He's also been doing some computer work with his on-the-side business and has had things going on several weekends this month. He has an out-of-town job later this week, so he's leaving me from Thursday to Saturday, I think. As far as I know, this is the last thing he has scheduled for the time being. The weather has finally turned nice and I hope it stays this way for a while. It'd be nice to have some weekends to enjoy it together! At least I've had the doggies to keep me company while J's been so busy. Although, admittedly, the three of us actually just spend a good deal of the time he's gone sitting on the couch watching TV. BUT, it's not often that I have time to do that (or have total control of the remote without someone complaining about what I'm watching), so I have to take advantage of it!
I think I had vowed to start exercising regularly when I had my 31st birthday in August, but I didn't really get going on that until the end of September. A few weeks late is certainly better than never. I've been running! I started out walking and running, but now I can run for 30 minutes straight. I'm very proud of myself, as I don't believe I've ever done this before in my life. (If you are a real runner, please don't laugh. I guess 30 minutes is not that long. But I'm new to this.) I'm going to continue to try to do that each time I work out until it's comfortable and I feel like I can do more, then start adding time on. Our treadmill has a display on it that tells you how far you've gone, but the battery needs to be replaced. I tried to do it...but I can't get the battery out. So I'm waiting on J to do it. I'm very curious to know how far I've been going. I'm thinking about doing a half marathon at the end of April, but I really don't want to do it by myself. I'd love it if J would do it with me, but I'm still trying to talk him in to working out at all. So we'll see. It also costs around $100 to enter and I don't know if it's worth that. But I think that having a goal would be good motivation to keep working out and pushing myself to do better.
I'm still waiting on J to give me the final "yes" for the surgery. He has been so busy lately that he hasn't had much time to think about it. He's leaning toward "yes" and I think that will be the final verdict, but I wish he'd hurry up! I had it scheduled for December, but went ahead and moved it up to November. My pre-op appointment is November 1st--just two weeks away. It's probably not normal to be so excited to have surgery, but I'm beyond ready to know what's going on with my uncooperative reproductive system!
I'm hoping to buy a new camera soon and then I'll start posting some pictures on my blog. Our current camera is old. Old and sad. I actually think it came out of the garbage. Really. J used to work at this technology store/computer repair place and I think he found it in the garbage there. It works, but it really is time for it to go. I don't need anything too fancy right now (we'll get something nice when it's baby time), just something less bulky and that takes better pictures. Any suggestions? I don't want to spend more than $200.
Oct 18, 2010
Oct 9, 2010
Infertility.
I haven't deserted my blog, despite what my almost three month absence might lead one to believe. Today's subject is infertility. More specifically, my struggle with infertility.
We have been trying to start our family for nearly two years. As of right now, we aren't sure what the problem is. My husband has been tested and was fine. I had an HSG done and it showed that my tubes were blocked. This is not always a reliable test and we aren't positive that the tubes are actually blocked. However, my cycles are regular and I ovulate on my own. So there is something keeping us from getting pregnant.
Our next step is for me to have a diagnostic laparoscopy. I have the surgery scheduled for December, but I'm still waiting for my husband to give me the final go-ahead. He has some reservations about it. I'm hoping to get an answer from him within the next few days.
This has had a huge impact on my life. When you're young and thinking about the future, you never consider the fact that you might have trouble getting pregnant. You just assume things will happen the way they are supposed to. I was excited when we finally started trying, as I'd been wanting to for a while. As the months passed and nothing happened, I became concerned and decided it was time to see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). But I kept hoping it would just happen naturally.
I took a pregnancy test this morning (which is something I don't bother doing very often). It was negative. No big surprise there. But this was perhaps the least disappointed I've ever been with that result. Not that it's not disappointing. But I have gotten to the point (finally) where my feelings are starting to change.
Over the past two years, I have become jaded and bitter. I get irritated any time I see a pregnant woman (it doesn't matter whether I not I know the person, although if I know them, I get more irritated). I have a good friend who is expecting a baby in a few weeks and I have certainly not been a great friend to her during her pregnancy. I have kept my distance and, when I have talked to her or been around her, tried not to talk too much about the baby. Any pregnant women is like a neon sign to me, blinking "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!". It's very frustrating. I know this is terrible. I'm aware that this is not the way a Christian should act. But my desire to become a mother is so strong that my emotions take over the logical part of my brain. Well, I guess I let them take over. There have been so many people around me who've had babies in the time since we started trying. I find it tough to ignore the feelings these constant reminders cause.
I've spent too much time feeling sorry for myself because I've been unable to get pregnant. Over the past few days, I have started to feel somewhat better about my situation. Part of it is because I'm hoping to get the laparoscopy done and find out what the problem is. Even if the problem can't be fixed, at least I'll know where we stand and we can make a plan for the future. (But I hope, of course, that the surgery will be able to fix what's wrong.) Part of it is because I believe that somehow, someday, I will be a mother. It may not be in my timing and it may not be the way I've expected, but it will happen. Unfortunately, patience is not my strong suit. I know I need to depend on God and wait on His plans, but this is difficult for me. I'm a planner and I like to be in control. I like to know what's going to happen. So it's tough for me to just pray and let it go. But I know that's what I need to do.
God knows what's best for me. I don't. That's all there is to it.
We have been trying to start our family for nearly two years. As of right now, we aren't sure what the problem is. My husband has been tested and was fine. I had an HSG done and it showed that my tubes were blocked. This is not always a reliable test and we aren't positive that the tubes are actually blocked. However, my cycles are regular and I ovulate on my own. So there is something keeping us from getting pregnant.
Our next step is for me to have a diagnostic laparoscopy. I have the surgery scheduled for December, but I'm still waiting for my husband to give me the final go-ahead. He has some reservations about it. I'm hoping to get an answer from him within the next few days.
This has had a huge impact on my life. When you're young and thinking about the future, you never consider the fact that you might have trouble getting pregnant. You just assume things will happen the way they are supposed to. I was excited when we finally started trying, as I'd been wanting to for a while. As the months passed and nothing happened, I became concerned and decided it was time to see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). But I kept hoping it would just happen naturally.
I took a pregnancy test this morning (which is something I don't bother doing very often). It was negative. No big surprise there. But this was perhaps the least disappointed I've ever been with that result. Not that it's not disappointing. But I have gotten to the point (finally) where my feelings are starting to change.
Over the past two years, I have become jaded and bitter. I get irritated any time I see a pregnant woman (it doesn't matter whether I not I know the person, although if I know them, I get more irritated). I have a good friend who is expecting a baby in a few weeks and I have certainly not been a great friend to her during her pregnancy. I have kept my distance and, when I have talked to her or been around her, tried not to talk too much about the baby. Any pregnant women is like a neon sign to me, blinking "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!". It's very frustrating. I know this is terrible. I'm aware that this is not the way a Christian should act. But my desire to become a mother is so strong that my emotions take over the logical part of my brain. Well, I guess I let them take over. There have been so many people around me who've had babies in the time since we started trying. I find it tough to ignore the feelings these constant reminders cause.
I've spent too much time feeling sorry for myself because I've been unable to get pregnant. Over the past few days, I have started to feel somewhat better about my situation. Part of it is because I'm hoping to get the laparoscopy done and find out what the problem is. Even if the problem can't be fixed, at least I'll know where we stand and we can make a plan for the future. (But I hope, of course, that the surgery will be able to fix what's wrong.) Part of it is because I believe that somehow, someday, I will be a mother. It may not be in my timing and it may not be the way I've expected, but it will happen. Unfortunately, patience is not my strong suit. I know I need to depend on God and wait on His plans, but this is difficult for me. I'm a planner and I like to be in control. I like to know what's going to happen. So it's tough for me to just pray and let it go. But I know that's what I need to do.
God knows what's best for me. I don't. That's all there is to it.
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