As a woman who has been TTC for over two years, with no known problems, I think it's only natural to start wondering if starting our family the "normal" way is ever going to happen. We have done very little in the way of fertility treatments. I took progesterone for two or three cycles because my doctor thought mine wasn't quite as high as he wanted it to be (although it was still within the normal range). I took Femara for one cycle, but it made me feel pretty icky toward the end of the cycle. And that's really it. Our RE says the next step is an IUI with injectable medications. And I am trying to figure out if it's worth it to go that route or if we should move on to adoption.
It actually doesn't matter much right now which way I'm leaning because it's going to be a little while, at least, before we can pursue anything. As I said in my last post, we have some debt we want to get taken care of and any money put toward trying to expand our family, regardless of how we choose to do it, will come after those other things are paid off. But I think about it a lot. About how we'll proceed and how our family will eventually grow.
And right now, I'm leaning toward adoption. Well, I'm hoping we can get pregnant naturally, but I'm open to adopting some day, even if we end up having a biological child or children. I'm just not convinced that spending money on fertility treatments is the best use of the money we've been blessed with.
The numbers vary considerably on what the success rate for IUI with injectables is, but even the highest rates are a reason for pause. Can I justify spending, say, $3000 on ONE cycle with only a 15 or 20 percent chance that it will work? Not to mention that just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you will deliver a baby. It seems like an awful lot of money to pin on some not-so-good prospects. Sure, it'd be worth it if it worked. But I can't imagine how bad we'd feel if we saved up that money and spent it on one cycle and had a BFN at the end.
As of right now, we don't have insurance coverage for treatment, thus the estimate of $3000 for an injectable IUI cycle. If J's future job while I'm in school ends up having some coverage (particularly for the medications), I might be more willing to consider going that route. It just depends on how much we'd have to pay out of pocket and where we are financially.
J still thinks we can get pregnant on our own. He thinks that, for whatever reason, it just hasn't happened yet. And I'll admit that I harbor this same thought. After all, we have been pregnant before, even though it didn't last long. And if there is nothing really wrong with us after all the testing we've had, maybe it will happen eventually. I certainly haven't given up hope that it will. But after over two years of trying, I've stopped worrying so much about it and have begun to consider other options.
One thing that is not an option for us, in case you were wondering why I haven't mentioned it, is IVF. For personal and religious reasons, it's not something we're comfortable with.
So adoption is on my mind. I've been reading some adoption blogs and that's been interesting. Especially the ones that start sometime at the beginning of an adoption journey and go on through the actual adoption. It's nice to see it all come together.
When I first started thinking about expanding our family in this manner, I didn't feel comfortable with it. Like most women, I'd imagine, I've always thought I'd have my kids the old-fashioned way. So it takes a shift in perspective to wrap your head around doing things differently. But the more time that has passed, the more comfortable I am with it. I feel more of a kinship reading the blogs of adoptive moms than I do reading those who have biological children. When I think of meeting our baby for the first time, it's more likely I'll think of meeting the birthmother at the hospital than of being the mother giving birth.
I really really want to be someone's mom. I really want to experience being a parent with my husband. If I sit around all day and think about how my own body is betraying me and denying me this experience, it's just sad. But if I think about adopting, it gives me hope. It reminds me that eventually, I will be a mom. Even if it doesn't happen quite the way I used to think it would. And that is very comforting.
Apr 28, 2011
Apr 27, 2011
Change of plans.
Just when I thought we were finally heading in the right direction (or just in a direction, really) we changed our minds. J and I decided that I will not be starting law school this year. It will be at least August of 2012 before I start. (I say "at least" because who know what'll happen between now and then to cause another change of plans.) We simply don't feel we have enough time to do everything we need to do to make a major move before August. Even if J found a job right away, there is still so much to do. Also, we have some debt we'd like to get paid off before I start. We are fortunate that we don't have a mortgage and both of our cars are paid for. But we do have some other things that it would be nice not to have to worry about before we temporarily become a one income family. (I will not be working while I'm in school.)
I'm totally fine with putting it off. I may retake the LSAT and try to raise my score and then apply this fall to some other schools I'm interested in. We certainly are not married to the idea of attending the school I was planning to attend this fall or of living in that particular city. So this is really a chance to expand our options. Hopefully, anyway. If I get accepted anywhere else! I'm not too worried about that, though. I won't be applying anywhere that is out of reach for my LSAT score and GPA. Maybe I can manage to have at least two or three choices.
Maybe, at some point, this will finally all come together and work out. We can make a move, set up our lives in another place, make new friends...but, for the next year or so, I'm afraid it's still going to feel like we're just treading water. I'm okay with the wait (because who wouldn't want to put off the terror that is law school?). But, on the other hand, I feel like we're getting another year behind. Behind in what? The "game of life", I guess. I'm not sorry that we don't have what everyone else has. I'm thankful we're still renting a house because it means we don't have a mortgage to pay every month (and we don't have a house to try to sell or rent out before we move somewhere else). I'm thankful we're driving cars that are paid for so we don't have car payments to make. (Although lately it seems we've had to fix a lot of things.)
But it makes me feel like we're not quite grown up. At least in other people's eyes. We don't own a home, we are thinking about going back to school for new careers, we don't have kids yet. We are 31 years old and we are doing stuff a lot of people do five or ten years earlier. Sometimes it's a little frustrating to compare where we're at to where so many other people we know are. But you have to play the cards you've been dealt. We have chosen not to make buying a house a priority right now. There will be time for that later, when we're making more money (because, really, we can't afford it right now even if we wanted to) and are more sure of where we want to offically put down roots. We haven't been able to get pregnant and you only have so much control over that issue. You do the best you can with the choices and information you have. I just hope that one day we can look back over the choices we've made and be thankful for the way things happened and the way they turned out.
And, yes, I know it's not a game. I know it doesn't really matter and you can't (or shouldn't) compare yourself to anyone else. Everyone is dealing with different cards. But it's hard sometimes to look around and feel like you're the only ones who don't have it all together yet. However, I also know that just because people look like they have it all together doesn't mean they actually do. So, really, comparing yourself is just a futile exercise any way you look at it.
Coming up: TTC v. Adoption
I'm totally fine with putting it off. I may retake the LSAT and try to raise my score and then apply this fall to some other schools I'm interested in. We certainly are not married to the idea of attending the school I was planning to attend this fall or of living in that particular city. So this is really a chance to expand our options. Hopefully, anyway. If I get accepted anywhere else! I'm not too worried about that, though. I won't be applying anywhere that is out of reach for my LSAT score and GPA. Maybe I can manage to have at least two or three choices.
Maybe, at some point, this will finally all come together and work out. We can make a move, set up our lives in another place, make new friends...but, for the next year or so, I'm afraid it's still going to feel like we're just treading water. I'm okay with the wait (because who wouldn't want to put off the terror that is law school?). But, on the other hand, I feel like we're getting another year behind. Behind in what? The "game of life", I guess. I'm not sorry that we don't have what everyone else has. I'm thankful we're still renting a house because it means we don't have a mortgage to pay every month (and we don't have a house to try to sell or rent out before we move somewhere else). I'm thankful we're driving cars that are paid for so we don't have car payments to make. (Although lately it seems we've had to fix a lot of things.)
But it makes me feel like we're not quite grown up. At least in other people's eyes. We don't own a home, we are thinking about going back to school for new careers, we don't have kids yet. We are 31 years old and we are doing stuff a lot of people do five or ten years earlier. Sometimes it's a little frustrating to compare where we're at to where so many other people we know are. But you have to play the cards you've been dealt. We have chosen not to make buying a house a priority right now. There will be time for that later, when we're making more money (because, really, we can't afford it right now even if we wanted to) and are more sure of where we want to offically put down roots. We haven't been able to get pregnant and you only have so much control over that issue. You do the best you can with the choices and information you have. I just hope that one day we can look back over the choices we've made and be thankful for the way things happened and the way they turned out.
And, yes, I know it's not a game. I know it doesn't really matter and you can't (or shouldn't) compare yourself to anyone else. Everyone is dealing with different cards. But it's hard sometimes to look around and feel like you're the only ones who don't have it all together yet. However, I also know that just because people look like they have it all together doesn't mean they actually do. So, really, comparing yourself is just a futile exercise any way you look at it.
Coming up: TTC v. Adoption
Apr 11, 2011
Decisions.
We had a really nice vacation last month. I'll say more about that once I have my pictures available to post. I'm still waiting on getting the new card reader put in!
We're kind of getting down to the wire on making a decision about whether we're going to pursue moving. My seat deposit is due April 15th. We are both leaning in the direction of moving to Alabama, but I'm waiting on J to say the word and make it official. I know it's what I want to do and it's what will be the best thing for my career in the long run. (As opposed to staying here and going to the local non-ABA law school.) J believes it's the best thing, as well, but he has the added challenge of finding a job. I'm trying to help him. I send him job links. I sent messages to a couple of people I went to college with who I knew lived in that area and asked them if they could put out some feelers for jobs and places to rent. One of them came through and there are a couple of job opportunities J needs to check out. It takes him longer to work through things than it does me and I'm sorry to say I haven't been very patient with him. But you can only put things off for so long before the opportunities are gone. I'm hoping his job search will be short and we can get this show on the road. It would be nice to move and get settled in before school starts. There are so many things to do when you move to a new place other than just moving your stuff and getting settled into your new home. It would be nice to have time to find a place to worship, find a new primary care doctor, find a new vet for the dogs and find our way around the city a bit before I have to start worrying about school. School starts in four months. I think I'm starting to get a little nervous!
We're kind of getting down to the wire on making a decision about whether we're going to pursue moving. My seat deposit is due April 15th. We are both leaning in the direction of moving to Alabama, but I'm waiting on J to say the word and make it official. I know it's what I want to do and it's what will be the best thing for my career in the long run. (As opposed to staying here and going to the local non-ABA law school.) J believes it's the best thing, as well, but he has the added challenge of finding a job. I'm trying to help him. I send him job links. I sent messages to a couple of people I went to college with who I knew lived in that area and asked them if they could put out some feelers for jobs and places to rent. One of them came through and there are a couple of job opportunities J needs to check out. It takes him longer to work through things than it does me and I'm sorry to say I haven't been very patient with him. But you can only put things off for so long before the opportunities are gone. I'm hoping his job search will be short and we can get this show on the road. It would be nice to move and get settled in before school starts. There are so many things to do when you move to a new place other than just moving your stuff and getting settled into your new home. It would be nice to have time to find a place to worship, find a new primary care doctor, find a new vet for the dogs and find our way around the city a bit before I have to start worrying about school. School starts in four months. I think I'm starting to get a little nervous!
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